I feel like abortions should bother me more
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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