Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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