For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
