This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
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