His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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