He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
