I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
