I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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