I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
