her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
