So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
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Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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