Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
