apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
