Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
