he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
