How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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