well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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