Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Jerry, you need to find god
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize
