I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
