so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
