please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize