Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Randomize
