This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
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