Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
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He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
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Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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