Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
