3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Randomize
