My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize
