hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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