College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
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i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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