That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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