i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
