I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Randomize
