dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
