You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
