you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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