I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
