you have to choose: penises or morals?
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Randomize
