put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
