Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
The air was thick with penises
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
