I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
