Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
It's just like the Real World with babies
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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