im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I just had sex on a roof
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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