tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
he just fucked me for my cheese..
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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