this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
