I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Randomize
