Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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