Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
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There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
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This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize