Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
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