We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
