phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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