she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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