Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Girls should come with a carfax report
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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