For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Drunk is not a location!
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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