I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
