my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
