I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
