I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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