but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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