Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
