you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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