I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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