Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
