a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
