Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Randomize
