When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
