the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
he quoted the bible to break up with me
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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