how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
