yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Randomize
